Quick Jobs for Kids
written by, Kate Oliver, MSW, LCSW-C
Do you ever get tired of the constant routine of getting upset because your child has not done an agreed upon task or said something insulting to or about you, or bothered you while you were on the phone…again? It always seems to end in the child apologizing, you telling them why they shouldn’t do that, threatening with a consequence next time, only to find that they do it again when you are distracted and you just have a redo. Sorrys start to feel hollow when they are said about the same thing one hundred times.
Even though it’s my job to tell you that accepting what we would call a “repair,” (i.e.- I did something damaging to our relationship and now I am trying to fix it by saying ‘I’m sorry’) is best for your relationship with your child, I understand that this can feel more and more difficult to do as a parent when you feel stuck in a rut and like your children get to breeze by with a sorry and no real consequence.
If this sounds like a familiar routine in your house, might I recommend a little trick I like to call “quick jobs.” It’s a list of quick tasks a child can do around the house to help out when they have done something wrong. It’s not a “your grounded forever” kind of thing, it’s not something that has a child doing an extra 20 minutes of chores. These are for the day-to-day grievances, the ones kids say “sorry” for but you have to wonder after a while, “are they?”
Here is a quick list of tasks. You need the list, or this will just be another good idea that you will forget when the time comes (if you are anything like me). You can have fun making them up next time you are trying to straighten the house:
- Dust the bannister
- Clean all the door knobs in the house
- Take the laundry from the washer and put it in the dryer
- Help finish the dishes
- Clean off one surface in the house (the dining room table, the end table next to the sofa)
- Clean out the sink in the bathroom
- Wipe down the outside of the dishwasher, oven, or pantry
Quick jobs are for when you are irritated and need a little something extra. When you use them you can say, “I realize your sorry but I would really know it if you ________.” If a child decides not to do it, you can point out that perhaps they are not so sorry after all and that is a bigger discussion.
For today let’s just focus on a quick fix that helps set things right again and teaches children how to really “repair” when they have done something they wish they hadn’t.
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4 Reminders to help the holidays go smoothly for everyone
If you are a parent who is going to celebrate Easter or Passover this weekend please take a moment to remember a few things that will help the holiday’s go smoother.
1. Remember that your children have not done this holiday very many times yet. Even a ten-year old has only experienced this holiday 10 times and does not even remember the first two. Reviewing the expectations and schedule changes so kids can be prepared is very helpful. Will there be family gatherings that are different? Will you be playing outside finding eggs in your Sunday clothes? Is the church or synagogue service longer or done differently?
2. Remember that while we might be tense and/or worried about things like being around family members we don’t often see, or whether we will be able to pull off surprises for the kids, our children- while excited- are also picking up on the feelings and tone we set. If we overextend ourselves, our children will not have as good a time either. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard about the yearly parental meltdown around a holiday! This means, try to keep everyone on the same sleep schedule- including you. Eat and drink as needed… you get the picture.
3. Even though you already spoke with your child about what to expect for the holiday, if you are going anywhere else, gently remind them of the expectations again in the car on the way there. Also talk about adult’s expectations of them. You might be expecting them to act differently at grandma’s but they don’t know that unless you tell them, or after it’s already too late. You may even want to rehearse with a small child about what to do if they receive something unwanted. It is age appropriate for a child, even up to age six to ask if “that’s all” or to say they do not like something. Offer alternatives, like asking a parent quietly in the next room about whether more is coming to them, or saying thank you for a gift or treat they do not like.
4. Possibly most important. Allow yourself to be in and experience the joy of the present moment. Anything that goes wrong now are memories shared and as long as no one got permanently hurt- they are not disasters.
I hope everyone, whether you celebrate or not, has a wonderful weekend!
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