4 Reminders to help the holidays go smoothly for everyone
9-7-4 Easter (Photo credit: cobalt123)
If you are a parent who is going to celebrate Easter or Passover this weekend please take a moment to remember a few things that will help the holiday’s go smoother.
1. Remember that your children have not done this holiday very many times yet. Even a ten-year old has only experienced this holiday 10 times and does not even remember the first two. Reviewing the expectations and schedule changes so kids can be prepared is very helpful. Will there be family gatherings that are different? Will you be playing outside finding eggs in your Sunday clothes? Is the church or synagogue service longer or done differently?
2. Remember that while we might be tense and/or worried about things like being around family members we don’t often see, or whether we will be able to pull off surprises for the kids, our children- while excited- are also picking up on the feelings and tone we set. If we overextend ourselves, our children will not have as good a time either. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard about the yearly parental meltdown around a holiday! This means, try to keep everyone on the same sleep schedule- including you. Eat and drink as needed… you get the picture.
3. Even though you already spoke with your child about what to expect for the holiday, if you are going anywhere else, gently remind them of the expectations again in the car on the way there. Also talk about adult’s expectations of them. You might be expecting them to act differently at grandma’s but they don’t know that unless you tell them, or after it’s already too late. You may even want to rehearse with a small child about what to do if they receive something unwanted. It is age appropriate for a child, even up to age six to ask if “that’s all” or to say they do not like something. Offer alternatives, like asking a parent quietly in the next room about whether more is coming to them, or saying thank you for a gift or treat they do not like.
4. Possibly most important. Allow yourself to be in and experience the joy of the present moment. Anything that goes wrong now are memories shared and as long as no one got permanently hurt- they are not disasters.
I hope everyone, whether you celebrate or not, has a wonderful weekend!
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About me
Kate Oliver, LCSW-C (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) has been a clinician working with traumatized and attachment-disturbed children for almost two decades. She is co-owner of A Healing Place, a private practice in Columbia, Maryland, since 2007.
At the beginning of her career, Kate found that while some children responded to traditional child therapy practices, there were a significant number of children who showed little or no improvement in their overall emotional well-being. This led her to seek out specialized training to learn more about attachment, the bond between parents and children, and found that by using attachment-based strategies in addition to treating trauma, even the most challenging children and their parents, saw major, life-changing shifts, not only for the children she was working with, but the parents as well.
Early in her career, Kate was privileged to work as the clinical director for Tamar’s Children, a program that took pregnant, incarcerated women from prison to a treatment facility that worked on teaching the women to bond with and attach to their babies, while also helping the women to heal their own broken attachments, and history of trauma and addiction. This program was internationally recognized for having a successful, evidence-based practice using an attachment-based model. From working with some of the most severely disenfranchised parents, Kate received important information about how to help all parents maintain a happy, healthy relationship with their children.
In 2007, Kate co-founded A Healing Place, a mental health private group practice in Columbia, Maryland, where she focuses on working with families with children who have a history of trauma and/or attachment disturbances. A board certified supervisor, Kate has been an invited presenter to teach continuing education courses for other social workers and psychologists. In her courses, Kate teaches attachment-building techniques and presents about her sub-specialty, working with families headed by gay and lesbian parents. Kate has also worked as a trainer for Building Families for Children, a therapeutic foster care agency.
Kate is a former board member for the organization COLAGE, a non-profit group that works toward community building for people with gay, lesbian, bisexual and/or transgender parents. She is currently a member of Attachment Disorders Maryland, a group that works to educate parents and professionals about working with children with attachment related issues. She is a Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) Practitioner and Educator.
Kate lives in Columbia, Maryland is the mother of two amazing daughters, the partner to a fantastic husband, and the daughter of one mother and two gay dads. She loves to read any book that crosses her path, write (of course), and she recently started dancing again, a passion she has had since her youth.
Kate can be reached by email: helpforyourfamily@gmail.com for questions or you can find her on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/Help4yourfamily.
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You are very sweet! Thank you 🙂 I am new to this world too. I think if you are looking at the blog and look at the top left part of the screen you will see something that says +Follow. If you click it, you will get updates as they come. I love feedback so we can figure out the blog thing together.
My daughter just helped me to figure out how to follow.Thank you. I love to read, but I am not into novels. So this is great- provided I have internet. Have an awesome resurrection day!
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