help4yourfamily

Create the family you want to have

Last Chance for Two Great Opportunities

I just wanted to send out a quick reminder that this weekend is the last chance to sign up for two great opportunities. One is the chance to participate in the first Mother’s Weekend Retreat. Saturday is the last day to register! Here is the information:

Moms Renewal Retreat 2013

The second is for mental health professionals to participate this coming Monday in a Continuing Education training where you will have a chance to learn about the importance of attachment and how to help clients who have developed an unhealthy attachment pattern. You can find the information for this training on this website. or by going to www.lisaferentz.com.

Please let me know if you have questions about either activity.

Thank you!

Kate Oliver, MSW, LCSW-C

April 25, 2013 Posted by | attachment, attachment disorder, counseling, family, Groups/ trainings, help for parents, mental health, parent support/ self improvement, Parenting, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Mother’s Retreat Weekend- It’s Really Happening!

I am very excited to share the announcement of my first Mother’s Retreat Weekend  co-facilitated by me and Sharon Fuller, owner of The Attachment Place, especially for adoptive and foster mom’s with children with attachment related issues. If I am talking about you, please think about giving yourself the gift of 24 hours with other mom’s who can relate to what you are going through. If I am describing your wife or partner, this would be a perfect Mother’s Day gift! For more information, click the link below. We have a very limited number of people we can accommodate so please do not delay and sign up today! Feel free to contact me for more info or to sign up.

For mom’s that do not fit into this category, don’t worry, I’ve got something in the works for you too…

Below is a description of the retreat and beneath that is a link to the full announcement. I hope to see you there.

Ladies, give yourself a gift this Mother’s Day weekend. Join us for a time of renewal for your mind, body, and spirit. This retreat has been created with you in mind. It is just for mothers of adopted, and/or foster children, with attachment related issues. Come join a small group of women who are looking to practice some self-care techniques, learn about healthy food choices for themselves and their children, add a few new tools to their parenting toolkit, and meet other mothers who are dealing with the same issues you are. Learn about how to keep yourself from being triggered by your child(ren), who are experts at pushing your buttons. Revisit and adjust your parenting goals in light of what you learn, and leave feeling refreshed, and better equipped to parent your child with attachment challenges.

When: Friday, May 10, 2013, 4:00 PM – Saturday, May 11, 2013, 4:00 PM Where: The Attachment Place, LLC, located in Lothian, MD Cost: $375 per person, which includes your room, all food, including a gourmet meal, and materials. A massage therapist will be available on-site for an additional charge, if there is enough interest. Space is limited, so sign up today! A deposit of approximately one half of the cost ($188.00) is due by April 27, 2013. Pay via credit card or check. A convenience fee of 3% will be added to each credit card payment. Make checks payable to The Attachment Place, LLC. For our mailing address, please visit our website at: www.theattachmentplace.com

Moms Renewal Retreat 2013 (1)

April 16, 2013 Posted by | attachment disorder, children, family, help for parents, parent support/ self improvement, Parenting, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Stopping the Parent Shame and Blame Game

Parenting

Parenting (Photo credit: Leonid Mamchenkov)

 

When parents come to me for help with their children, my job is not so much to change every single thing about the way they are parenting. My job is to help mom and/or dad to create the outcome they are looking for. Many parents come in to me worried that I will shake my finger at them while scolding them about all the things they are doing it wrong. The fear that this could happen is one that keeps people away longer, until the problem gets “bad enough” that they have to come in.

I wish I could wave a magic wand to make this fear go away. If parents brought kids in when the issues first started, they would save so much time and money. Instead, we end up weeding through the guilt and shame of whatever the perpetuated cycle has been for parent and child. Most often what I end up doing with parents goes more like this:

  • What are you doing right?
  • How can we increase the times when you feel as though you are handling issues in a way you feel good about?
  • How can we find ways to increase your effectiveness when you feel you are not meeting your own expectations?

A while back I heard someone (I wish I could remember who) saying that so often we focus on what we want to do, as in,

  • What am I going to do about this?
  • If you do this, I’m going to do that.

The speaker went on to point out that we are asking the wrong question. The real question is “Who do I want to be?” Answering this question, “Who do I want to be?” makes the question of what you want to do clear. If who you want to be is a loving parent, then what you want to do will incorporate love for your child (which can also include boundaries and discipline- just so we are clear). If who you want to be is a guide for your child then what you would do would incorporate modeling for your child the appropriate response to a particular situation. It guides us away from whether we are right or wrong to do what we do and into a new discussion about whether we are acting in a way that aligns with our values. When the answer is that we are not acting in such a way, and we cannot come up with a way to act that feels more in line with our value system as parents, it is time to seek help. Think about finding a therapist, parent coach, pastor, rabbi, parent support group or someone that you trust to take the courage to ask the questions about how to become more aligned with who you want to be.

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April 11, 2013 Posted by | affirmations, attachment, counseling, discipline, family, help for parents, kids, mental health, parent support/ self improvement, Parenting, psychology, thinking about therapy? | Leave a comment

   

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