help4yourfamily

I’ve been tagged and I’m dedicating this post to assholes

Asshole 7″ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well, I’ve been tagged by Rebecca from Mom meets Blog.  What does that mean?  It’s some kind of game in the blogosphere, and I’m a child therapist so I know games are good. Here are the rules of this game:

• Answer the question the “tagger” listed for you in their post
• Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer
• Choose 11 people to tag and link to them in the post
• Let each blogger know that you have tagged them

Rebecca was kind enough to allow me to choose a question.  I figured since she listed me as the fifth blog she tagged, I would answer question number 5.  It’s a good one.  “Was there a teacher who had a particularly strong influence in your life?”  Why, yes, quite a few as a matter of fact.

I recently took a meditation class where the teacher, Claudia, explained about people with a name she pronounced ( ash-o-les).  When she said it, I thought she was talking about her wise, spiritual teachers.  The actual spelling of this word is assholes.  In fact though, Claudia said that assholes have been some of her best teachers.  Well, the same is true for me!  They are, indeed some of our best teachers if we allow them to be.  In figuring out how to live life with, around, and in spite of, assholes, we learn so much about ourselves, including our weakness, strength, resilience and even courage.  I have had several teachers in my life who, I have to say, sometimes I thought were real assholes (and sometimes they really were).  I won’t name them here- they don’t really need it.  Most of them were wounded and were assholes because they carried the belief that whatever they were doing was self-protective.

Now, on to another great teacher for me who is most definately not an asshole.  Well, not to me anyway.  My mom thought he was a real asshole for a long time.  She’s long since worked it out, but who can blame her?  After all, she and my dad divorced back in the early 80’s after he came out of the closet.  The non-asshole is, you guessed it, my father.  Stay with me, I’m going to bring this right back to the beginning.  My father is one of my greatest teachers because, among other things, he decided to be true to himself.  Back in the 80’s, being gay was not considered to be too awesome.  In fact, things were pretty hush, hush.  My dad’s coming out caused quite a ruckus.  He lost his marriage (and almost his children), and he came close to losing the private practice (he is a physician) that he started when his partners nearly voted him out.  He has told me, in the many conversations we have had since about this time in his life, that he felt he no longer had a choice once he came to the late understanding that he is gay.  In coming out, my father modeled for me how to stick with the strength of my convictions even though sometimes people are going to think you are an asshole.

I offer this to you, readers, as a lesson as well.  Sometimes in life, we need to be okay with other people thinking we are assholes.  It can save lives, literally.  We can also learn that sometimes, when we think someone is being an asshole, they are just trying in the best way they know how, to protect themselves, or even save their own lives- even if it does not look that way from the outside.  The people who think you are an asshole sometimes could be your kids, your parents, your boss or co-workers.  They could all think you are an asshole when you don’t do what they want you to do.  The trick is to figure out if you are doing what you are doing for the greater good and whether this is actually self-protection (or protecting your children) or not.  I’m so glad my dad was able to weather that storm.  His decision to be true to himself gave me so many gifts.  I am also grateful and for all the other lessons he has taught me- like, that being honest is really the best policy, and how to maintain long-term, healthy relationships (he and his husband have been together for more than 30 years).  Thanks Dad.

Now, on to the next part of the game…tagging others.

1. Gorillaparenting
2. Queen of Familosity
3. Anger Management Chicago
4. 400 days til 40
5. Mommyman
6. Science of Mom
7. One Inch of Grace
8. Let Life In Practices
9. Boundaries of the Soul
10. Unhappy Mommy
11. Danielle’s Story

There are so many great blogs to choose from! If I didn’t choose yours, or you don’t have a blog, feel free to just answer one of the following questions below.  I pose the same questions (pick one or more) to the chosen blogs.

1. What is advice you would give to new parents?
2. How is your life different now than you imagined it would be ten years ago?
3. Have you ever had a good lesson that came in strange wrapping paper?
4. What is something you said you would never do that you now do routinely?
5. What books are you reading and what do you think about them?
6. What path did you take to do the job you are doing now?
7. If you could change something about your life, what would it be?
8. What is the best thing that has happened to you in the past year?
9. What do you think will be different about your life in ten years?
10. What is your favorite blog post ever, and why (you can include your own)?
11. What is something about you people might not guess from your blog?

May 2, 2012 Posted by help4yourfamily | blog awards and recognition | counseling, Family, Father, parent, parenting, psychology, Self-help | 8 Comments