Parent Affirmation Monday- Being a Learner 9/24/2012
Written by, Kate Oliver, MSW, LCSW-C
Comfort Zone (Photo credit: Robin Hutton)
Sometimes as parents we can forget that our children have to experience things on a daily basis where they are challenged to learn and grow like exploring new school material as well as new people and places that feel foreign to them. Even teenagers must go to new classes and meet new teachers each school year. Just think if you had seven or more new bosses to meet and the bosses changed each year.
Children adopted at an older age, and/or traumatized children have it even harder. Not only are they challenged to stretch themselves at school, but home may also be a place where they are challenged to try to do new things that feel different to them. For children adopted at an older age, they may not be accustomed to a forever family that has rules and boundaries. I remember one child in particular who was perplexed at the rule her foster family had about not putting a hairbrush on the table. Even foods may seem different to these kids. Gregory Keck, rightly points out in his book, Parenting Adopted Adolescents*, that children who have been in multiple homes tend to gravitate toward pizza, chicken nuggets and mac and cheese because they taste the most consistent in different homes and children, like adults,often crave safe and familiar foods and activities.
As adults, we can forget that feeling of being pushed to try unfamiliar things. We can become complacent about going outside of our comfort zones and becoming learners again. While there may be tasks at work or home that we do not like doing, it is less often that we are pushed to learn something completely new. It is important as parents that we can connect to that place of being a learner, just outside of our comfort zone, so we can remember what it is like for our children and to model that it is okay and even good to be an ongoing learner in life.
Our affirmation this week is:
I am open to the many learning opportunities that cross my path. I learn and grow every day.
Now, we get learning opportunities everyday, but this week, I want you to reach a little further. If you have a partner, think about having them teach you to do something they normally do like cook, or change the oil in the car. If that does not work for you, pick up a book about something you have always wanted to learn about but never gave yourself permission or time. Find out about how to use your finances wisely, give yourself a challenge to “go green,” or try a new kind of exercise class.
What will you do this week to expand your horizons?
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. So if you’re feeling uncomfortable right now, know that the change taking place in your life is a beginning, not an ending. (Photo credit: deeplifequotes)
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*see disclaimer page
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About me
Kate Oliver, LCSW-C (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) has been a clinician working with traumatized and attachment-disturbed children for almost two decades. She is co-owner of A Healing Place, a private practice in Columbia, Maryland, since 2007.
At the beginning of her career, Kate found that while some children responded to traditional child therapy practices, there were a significant number of children who showed little or no improvement in their overall emotional well-being. This led her to seek out specialized training to learn more about attachment, the bond between parents and children, and found that by using attachment-based strategies in addition to treating trauma, even the most challenging children and their parents, saw major, life-changing shifts, not only for the children she was working with, but the parents as well.
Early in her career, Kate was privileged to work as the clinical director for Tamar’s Children, a program that took pregnant, incarcerated women from prison to a treatment facility that worked on teaching the women to bond with and attach to their babies, while also helping the women to heal their own broken attachments, and history of trauma and addiction. This program was internationally recognized for having a successful, evidence-based practice using an attachment-based model. From working with some of the most severely disenfranchised parents, Kate received important information about how to help all parents maintain a happy, healthy relationship with their children.
In 2007, Kate co-founded A Healing Place, a mental health private group practice in Columbia, Maryland, where she focuses on working with families with children who have a history of trauma and/or attachment disturbances. A board certified supervisor, Kate has been an invited presenter to teach continuing education courses for other social workers and psychologists. In her courses, Kate teaches attachment-building techniques and presents about her sub-specialty, working with families headed by gay and lesbian parents. Kate has also worked as a trainer for Building Families for Children, a therapeutic foster care agency.
Kate is a former board member for the organization COLAGE, a non-profit group that works toward community building for people with gay, lesbian, bisexual and/or transgender parents. She is currently a member of Attachment Disorders Maryland, a group that works to educate parents and professionals about working with children with attachment related issues. She is a Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) Practitioner and Educator.
Kate lives in Columbia, Maryland is the mother of two amazing daughters, the partner to a fantastic husband, and the daughter of one mother and two gay dads. She loves to read any book that crosses her path, write (of course), and she recently started dancing again, a passion she has had since her youth.
Kate can be reached by email: helpforyourfamily@gmail.com for questions or you can find her on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/Help4yourfamily.
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Wow, I was just thinking about comfort zones and was going to mention it in my last post. This is great, I will definitely share this message with the many students and parents I see this week and credit you for it!
Great! I am so glad you find it helpful 🙂 Thank you for the comment and for re-blogging.
Good reminder! I have learned in life also that growth requires pain and discomfort. If we are too comfortable, we are stagnated.
Thank you for commenting. I agree that if we are too comfortable we are stagnated, however, while many people do find growth to be uncomfortable and painful, I am of the mind that all growth does not require pain. I think much growth can come in allowing ourselves to connect to curiosity, loving relationships, and letting go of pain we have been holding onto. When we do that, I believe we actually find our greatest growth opportunities. Do you agree? Thank you for your comment. It helped me to clarify my own thoughts on this 🙂
Yes, I completely agree. Thanks.
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