help4yourfamily

Staying Strong as a Couple

written by, Kate Oliver, MSW, LCSW-C

Whenever it’s time to bring up the topic of sex, I think about that old Salt and Peppa song, Let’s Talk About Sex.

Let’s talk about sex baby,

let’s talk about you and me,

let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be,

let’s talk about sex…

let’s talk about sex!

I guess I’m aging myself here. Anyway, people would be surprised how much I talk about sex with adults even though my main client population consists of families and children. While I spend plenty of time talking to the adolescents and adults I see about sex, more often, I find parents who bring their children to see me are asking me about it as well. Let’s face it, having a highly spirited child, or a child with an attachment issue, depression or any other mental health issues is draining and often the relationship you have with your spouse/partner can fall down a notch on the priority list.

I was inspired to do this post because of Christine Moers, mother of several biological and adopted children who has dedicated her past month of blogging to a month she has named “Sexuary.” I’m a huge fan of Christine and think she has amazing, funny, honest advice for parents.

Before I tell you what Sexuary is, let me say this. Sex is important in a relationship. It is not the most important part, but it is important. As one couples therapist said to me a while back, “Good sex will never fix a bad relationship, but lack of sex or bad sex can ruin an otherwise good relationship.” I completely agree and have seen this in my practice.

Here are some common mistakes I see parents making when it comes to sex:

1. Not talking about it to each other…ever.
2. Believing that sex is not important to their spouse without checking to make sure they are correct.
3. Allowing their spouse to believe sex is not important to them.

There are a bunch more, but this post is not about the problems, it is about finding solutions and bringing couples closer together. Happy parents make happy children and I want your family to be a happy one.

So, for anyone who has questions about having more sex, better sex, any sex, or anywhere in between, I’m going to direct you to Christine’s posts (linked below) so you can read about Sexuary, which is picking the month of your choice to try to have some intimate contact every day. She does an amazing job walking you through the process of bringing this up with your partner, making a plan of action according to where you and your partner are, etc, even if your kids are not helpful, even if you haven’t had sex with your partner for months, or even years, even if you think your partner does not like, or want to have sex…

I would love to hear what you think about her posts:

The Kind of Partner Everyone Needs  (welcometomybrain.net)

Sexuary- What the Heck Are You Thinking? (welcometomybrain.net)

Sexuary- Closer Than When We Started (welcometomybrain.net)

March 7, 2013 Posted by help4yourfamily | help for parents, parent support/ self improvement, relationship issues | couples, Human sexuality, Intimate relationship, List of credentials in psychology, parenting, Sex education, Sex therapy, Sexology, Sexuality, Sexuary | Leave a comment