help4yourfamily

Create the family you want to have

Monday is Parent Affirmation Day at Help 4 Your Family! 5/21/2012

an animated clock

an animated clock (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Written by, Kate Oliver, MSW, LCSW-C

Get ready to laugh and tell me I’m wrong!  I have heard many versions of this affirmation but the person I got it from is the mother of affirmations herself, Louise Hay.  This week’s affirmation is:

Everything is happening at just the right time.

I know you do not believe me but give me a minute to talk you through it.  I know it feels like things happen too slow, too fast, or at just the wrong time!  This affirmation requires a little faith that there is a plan for us.  Even if you are not a believer in a higher power, doesn’t it just make life simpler to believe that everything is happening at just the right time?  I use this affirmation when I am running late and, I’m happy to tell you that when I use it, and believe it, everything does happen at just the right time.  One time I used it recently was when I was running late to meet my daughter at school because I had promised I would eat lunch with her.  I hate running late.  I decided that I was going to obey traffic laws, and I just repeated to myself over and over that things happen at just the right time.  I was still five minutes late, but guess what?  The lunch before my daughter’s ran over by five minutes and I actually ended up entering the cafeteria at the same time she did.  I also had not stressed myself out on the way there, which would require me to calm myself down before I could be present for my daughter.

You can use this affirmation for big things too.  Birth, death, illness, and entering a romantic relationship, are all things that come to mind.  Before you think I am trivializing any of those transitions I just mentioned, I want you to know I have experienced all of them, just like you.  Carrying with me the belief that everything is happening at just the right time even if I don’t understand it, gets me through a lot and I will share a personal story to demonstrate how this affirmation has come true in my own life.

When I was a child, just about to turn nine, my older brother, who was just about to turn 12, died suddenly from an undiagnosed illness the summer before he would be entering middle school.  I would never wish this on anyone, and no- there is never a good time for this to happen, but there might be a right time.  Move forward in time to the night I met my husband for the first time.  I was at a party and one of my brother’s friends, who I had not seen since he died, walked into the party with another friend.  He actually was pretty shocked to see me and had a pretty strong reaction when he realized who I was.  We started talking and he introduced me to his friend- my future husband.  Had my brother lived and gone on to middle school, he and his friend would have probably drifted apart, since they were going to go to different schools.  His friend might not have had the same memories of me that caused him to come right too me to talk and introduce me to his friend.  My husband and I might not have had a strong immediate connection and who knows what might have happened?  I can’t imagine my life without the husband and children that I have.  I wouldn’t change a thing about them or about my life right now.  This is one way that I make sense of the death of my brother.  Everything happens at just the right time.

Even if it is hard to believe right now, try this affirmation out.  Say it many, many times to yourself.  Remind yourself that you don’t have to know the “why” of things happening, but that they are happening at just the right time.

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May 21, 2012 Posted by | affirmations | , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Laugh and your family laughs with you

One of the funniest kids I've met while travel...

Written by, Kate Oliver, LCSW-C

After a couple of days of heavy posts, it’s time to lighten the mood.  I’ll post about good programs tomorrow like I said I would, but for now, let’s talk about bringing a little light and levity to our everyday life with our children.  Sometimes, all you can do is laugh…or cry.  I would encourage you to laugh.  Sure, I could tell you about all the research that tells you that laughter is, indeed, the best medicine for many situations, but you can easily look that up, or you can just trust me on this one.  Laugh more.  Build humor into your family system.  Make sure that your children understand your humor (even if they do not like it).  Most importantly, teach your children to laugh at themselves by laughing at yourself.  My younger daughter does an impression of my husband when he is telling her to clean up that is hilarious.  We all laugh, then we clean up.

This morning, when I grumbled at my older daughter to rinse her mouth after brushing her teeth (who doesn’t rinse after you went to the trouble of brushing!?) because I’m tired of paying an extra car payments worth of money every time we go to the dentist, I went up to the bathroom after she went to school and found a post-it note she put up in the bathroom to remind herself to rinse:

In case you can’t read that, it said “RINSE OR DIE!”

Parenting does not have to be a series of serious teaching lessons all put together.  It can be easy to forget this. You can teach, love, learn and grow with fun and laughter.  Have a child that asks obvious questions all the time?  Find a code word, like “marshmallows” that tells them they are asking a question they already know the answer to and use it whenever they ask nonsense questions.

Kid:  “What’s for dinner (while they are staring at you cooking a hamburger)”

Parent: “Marshmallows.”

Kid: “When are we going to get there?” (on a trip they have been on 100 times).

Parent: “When we pass the sign with the marshmallows on it.”

Kid: “Do I have to do my homework?”

Parent: “Just do it until you get to the part about the marshmallows.”

Marshmallow Nightmares!!

Marshmallow Nightmares!! (Photo credit: katerha)

It might drive them crazy, but it keeps you a little more sane while you focus on a fun way to fit more marshmallows into your life.

Laugh together over silly jokes or silly things they say.  Make sure you are laughing with not at.  No one like to feel like people are laughing at them but laughing together as a family brings your family closer and reminds us why we brought these “no-rent paying, mess making little people,”  as my husband likes to say, into your home in the first place.

How do you laugh with your family?  Please fell free to share a funny story that makes you smile 🙂

April 19, 2012 Posted by | help for parents, Parenting | , , , , , | 16 Comments

   

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