help4yourfamily

Create the family you want to have

Parent Affirmation Monday- 8/13/2012- control

Written by, Kate Oliver, MSW, LCSW-C

I care more about my child (or husband/wife, etc) than I care about this conflict.  

Zeke washing dishes

Zeke washing dishes (Photo credit: Nathan Rein)

How often do we get into it with our kids over something little?  Do you argue with your child about the right way to do something, or getting it done the way we want them to do it?  This week, I am challenging you to pay attention to how much you do this and whether you may be able to pull back that behavior a little bit to allow your children (or your spouse) to do it their way.

A recent study came out that says that mothers who feel as though they are the most essential component of their child’s life (over fathers even) are more likely to feel overwhelmed and depressed.  When we seek to control the actions of others (even our children), we are certain to get into a power struggle.  Yes, common parent knowledge these days says that if you give an order, you must follow through.  But how often are we demanding that things must be done only our way?  There is a happy medium between the constant negotiations we know children are capable of and completely avoiding all conflict.  Let’s try to find that for you with your children and with your adult relationships.

I distinctly remember when I realized my husband does some things better than I do with the children.  Honestly, I was a little put off.  My inner critic wanted to tell me I should know how to do everything better- being a child therapist and all, but, guess what?  He is better at playing with them, joking them out of a funk and getting them into and out of the bath without argument among other things.  This week, be open to the possibility that children and significant other adult relationships may do things differently in a way that might be just as good, or better than you expected.

August 13, 2012 - Posted by | affirmations | , , , , , , ,

3 Comments »

  1. This is a good one. I often avoid having my five year old do certain things because I know he won’t do it the way I want him to and I don’t want to be frustrated. But, I feel guilty when I look at other moms who seem so secure with their children and their individuality. You know, the ones that let their children walk either a few feet ahead of them or behind them down the street or the ones that can just relax at the park while their children are playing. THAT…is not me! I am the one that tells my son to make sure he is walking RIGHT NEXT TO ME down the street and stands over him whenever he does anything I ask him to so I can make sure he is doing it correctly. So this post feels so geared to me but one of those parenting issues that I am definitely working on.

    Comment by Young and Different | August 20, 2012 | Reply

    • I’m so glad you find it helpful. I think that often when we worry about others judging us we are judging ourselves most critically. It sounds like maybe you are doing that? Maybe practice trying some kinder words toward you and being gentler to yourself about any “mistakes” you make whether or not they have to do with your son could help. I wish you success in this endeavor since you and your son will be happier and feel less anxiety 🙂 All the best. Thanks for your comment.

      Comment by help4yourfamily | August 21, 2012 | Reply

  2. […] I care more about my child (or husband/wife, etc) than I care about this conflict. Rate this:Share this:TwitterFacebookEmailPrintRedditPinterestLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. Categories: affirmations, family, help for parents, mental health, Parenting, psychology, Uncategorized Comments (0) Trackbacks (0) Leave a comment Trackback […]

    Pingback by Parent Affirmation Monday- review #2 8/27/2012 « help4yourfamily | August 27, 2012 | Reply


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