Monday is Parent Affirmation Day at Help 4 Your Family!- 7/2/2012- Words
Written by, Kate Oliver, MSW, LCSW-C
I recently read a book by Don Miguel Ruiz titled, The Four Agreements. In this book, the author states that one of the most important things we must all do is to “be impeccable with your words.” This week, I want us all to use this as our affirmation:
I am impeccable with my words.
When you are using this affirmation, take a moment to think about what it means. It means that we speak truthfully to and about ourselves and to and about others. When you find yourself saying out loud or internally, “I am terrible! That was awful!” STOP and remember our affirmation this week: I am impeccable with my words. Are you really terrible? Was that really awful? Or perhaps would it be more true to say that you wished you handled something differently? Look at the difference between saying you are terrible and saying you wish you handled something differently.
Many of today’s parents of younger children are familiar with the recommendation to say to children, “I don’t like what you did” instead of saying, “Don’t be bad.” When you say, “I don’t like what you did.” a child hears you tell them something about their behavior. When you say, “Don’t be bad.” a child hears you say something about your beliefs about who they are. Being impeccable with our words is so important for us and for our children. My belief is that many of us work to be flawless with our words with children while we neglect the words we say to ourselves. I really want you to stop neglecting this part! Be precise about the words you say to yourself.
This week, whenever possible, take time to examine the language you use with yourself and your child. Work to be precise rather than over generalizing. Please refrain from using this affirmation as an additional excuse to be hard on yourself. When you hear the same old language come out of your mouth that you are beginning to see is not actually accurate, gently say to yourself “I am impeccable with my words.” and correct the language you just used with yourself or with someone else.
If you are looking for the book I mentioned, you can find it by clicking on my recommended reading widget at the top left of this webpage.*
Related articles
- Parenting with Affirmations (help4yourfamily.com)
- Monday is Parent Affirmation Day at Help 4 Your Family! 6/25/2012
- Monday is Parent Affirmation Day at Help 4 Your Family! 6/18/2012
- Affirmations and the Parent-Child Well-Being (wholemeprograms.com)
*see disclaimer
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About me
Kate Oliver, LCSW-C (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) has been a clinician working with traumatized and attachment-disturbed children for almost two decades. She is co-owner of A Healing Place, a private practice in Columbia, Maryland, since 2007.
At the beginning of her career, Kate found that while some children responded to traditional child therapy practices, there were a significant number of children who showed little or no improvement in their overall emotional well-being. This led her to seek out specialized training to learn more about attachment, the bond between parents and children, and found that by using attachment-based strategies in addition to treating trauma, even the most challenging children and their parents, saw major, life-changing shifts, not only for the children she was working with, but the parents as well.
Early in her career, Kate was privileged to work as the clinical director for Tamar’s Children, a program that took pregnant, incarcerated women from prison to a treatment facility that worked on teaching the women to bond with and attach to their babies, while also helping the women to heal their own broken attachments, and history of trauma and addiction. This program was internationally recognized for having a successful, evidence-based practice using an attachment-based model. From working with some of the most severely disenfranchised parents, Kate received important information about how to help all parents maintain a happy, healthy relationship with their children.
In 2007, Kate co-founded A Healing Place, a mental health private group practice in Columbia, Maryland, where she focuses on working with families with children who have a history of trauma and/or attachment disturbances. A board certified supervisor, Kate has been an invited presenter to teach continuing education courses for other social workers and psychologists. In her courses, Kate teaches attachment-building techniques and presents about her sub-specialty, working with families headed by gay and lesbian parents. Kate has also worked as a trainer for Building Families for Children, a therapeutic foster care agency.
Kate is a former board member for the organization COLAGE, a non-profit group that works toward community building for people with gay, lesbian, bisexual and/or transgender parents. She is currently a member of Attachment Disorders Maryland, a group that works to educate parents and professionals about working with children with attachment related issues. She is a Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) Practitioner and Educator.
Kate lives in Columbia, Maryland is the mother of two amazing daughters, the partner to a fantastic husband, and the daughter of one mother and two gay dads. She loves to read any book that crosses her path, write (of course), and she recently started dancing again, a passion she has had since her youth.
Kate can be reached by email: helpforyourfamily@gmail.com for questions or you can find her on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/Help4yourfamily.
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What a wonderful approach. Improvement rather that judgement and condemnation of the self and others. It is good to remember to be nice to yourself. Thank you.
Thank you 🙂 It is always easier to be kind to others when we are also being kind to ourselves.
I am still surprised at how often the power of words and self-talk is neglected. It is one of the first thing I try to teach my clients to pay attention to and change, yet I know from experience it is easier said then done. I think this affirmation is a great reminder and an excellent way to approach the issue. Thank you.
It is so funny that we are often reluctant to change our internal voice for ourselves and as parents, we can neglect our self-talk even further. What we fail to realize is that by neglecting our own internal life we are also passing that self-talk down to our children. I see parents who are not willing to change for themselves, but are willing to change for their children. I’m glad you liked the blog 🙂 Thanks for the reblog.
Reblogged this on Licensed Mental Health Counselor.
I am so guilty of being hard on myself. Our family therapist was always telling me to give myself more grace.
We all need the reminder! In her book, Inner Peace for Busy Women, Joan Borysenko talks about “Our Lady of Perpetual Guilt” and I totally get it. Moms especially are conditioned for this feeling. I believe if we can change our inner talk to be more loving by even just 5 or 10%, we will all be happier and healthier, including our children. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂
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